“Oooo, this is like those places where people used to see movies before video piracy was invented!”
Before being able to begin the actual episode, you’ll need to gather up your upgrades from Dr. Frink at the concession stand in the middle of the Game Engine. You’ll be prompted to send each character to Dr. Frink where he will give out the upgrades as well as allow you to give each one a test run. When you approach Dr. Frink, he will toss a page out of the Strategy Guide for you to pick up. Grab it and a quick tutorial will begin. When you have finished all four tutorials you will receive Videogame Cliche #17 and the markers for the next four episodes will open in front of the theaters. NeverQuest will be the first theater on the left.
“My ears are pointy!”
Duff Bottle Tops: 12
Try-N-Save Coupons: 12
Videogame Cliches: 1
In this area there are four collectibles. While you are looking for them, Marge’s sisters, aka The Dragon, will be trying to burn down the three houses in the middle of the area. If all of the houses burn down, the episode ends and you must start again. The directions to the collectibles will be provided first, then the strategy for defeating The Dragon. It is recommended that you read all the way through first, and then decide how you want to go about getting the collectibles. If you defeat The Dragon without getting the collectibles, you can’t come back to get them without starting the episode over.
When the episode begins, turn to your right and look for a house on the opposite ridge next to a No Dragons sign. Go to this house and there is a Try-N-Save Coupon right in front of the front window.
That was the easy one.
The second collectible in this area requires some footwork. You need to use Marge’s Megaphone to enlist the “Harry Toddlers”. You need to enlist 30 of them to be exact. When you have the required number of kids in your group, look around for a building up on the ridge with a yellow roof and three picnic tables in front. This is the Health and Mana Bar. Take your kids to this building and command 10 of them to sit at each picnic table. When all 30 kids are seated, the Try-N-Save Coupon will appear at the front door of the Health and Mana Bar.
In real life, you’ll never get 30 kids to sit down so nicely and so quickly.
Unless you’re blind, you know you’re already in the right place to pick up Homer’s first collectible here. Switch to Homer and grab the Duff Bottle Top from the middle picnic table.
How many times have you restarted this episode so far?
Once Homer has the collectible, have him go over to the house where Marge got her first collectible and look in a nearby tree. As you face the house, there is a tree directly to the left. The Duff Bottle Cap is on top of the tree and requires a little bit of finesse to get: stand on the side window of the house and face the tree. Activate Homer Ball and Burst up the roof to the tree. As you pass over the tree you’ll have to deactivate Homer Ball so you drop to the top of the tree.
That is a lot easier to describe than it is to actually do.
Once you have all the collectibles for this area, you can get on with defeating the Dragon. In case you haven’t figured it out already, the Dragon is setting the three houses in the middle on fire. You have three house icons in the upper right corner of the screen alerting you to the condition of said houses. Marge has both an offensive and defensive role here. When the houses are on fire, Marge can command the kids to put the fire out and rebuild the house, however, once a house is gone, it is gone for good and cannot be rebuilt.
“Fire Insurance doesn’t exist!”
Homer’s role is purely offensive (how ironic!). Keep him up on the outer ridge of the playing area. Between the Dragon’s tantrums of starting fires and being bland, she stops and hovers between the broken bridges around the outside of this area. When she does this, Homer can hit her from the side by activating the Homer Ball Blast and using the broken bridge as a ramp to hit her. This knocks her down, but doesn’t damage her. This is only step one in the process.
He never liked Marge’s sisters anyway.
When The Dragon is on the ground, quickly switch to Marge. Her offensive move is to command the kids to beat up the fallen dragon. Now the Dragon’s health will decrease and you have made a successful hit.
She’s always wanted to do that.
You will likely have the procedure down now, so all you have to do is repeat it as many times as necessary to completely defeat the Dragon. (Usually three or four times) When her health has been completely diminished, she will fly away into the horizon. The kids will all be grateful and you’ll be treated to a cut-scene before the next part of the episode begins.
Bet they’re going to have a smoke.
After the cut-scene is over you will be in the caves, and Marge won’t have the kids she collected anymore. Straight ahead you’ll see two of your latest enemies, a weird looking portal with a skull on top of it and a box with arms and legs sticking out of it. The portal is an enemy spawner, so destroy the portal while the other character begins to take down the two enemies. Kill off whatever other stragglers manage to make it out of the portal. Destroying this portal will give you Videogame Cliche #20. Now you can destroy the box with the arms and legs and you’ll release a couple of kids that Marge can now enlist into her mob.
What are those dudes anyway?
Continue into the next area and you’ll be in a large stone room. Clear this area as you wish, but I recommend running all the way to the other end of the room, clearing enemies and destroying the two enemy spawns that are up the set of stairs that are on the left. Check the entire room up and down for enemy spawners and enemies. When it’s all clear, it’s time to get some collectibles. It’s a treasure trove in here -- let’s take care of Homer’s first.
It’s very gothic in here.
Go back to where you came into this room. As you come down the stairs that entered the room, look to the pyramid-stacked barrels on your right. Destroy the barrels to enter the area behind it. Kill the three enemies back here and retrieve the kids from the box behind the pig. Before you leave this area, look on the wall to your left as you go out and you’ll see a Duff Bottle Top that Homer can jump up and get.
If you walk up to the pig and press Triangle/Y , you’ll get food to build up Homer’s power bar.
Now go to the pile of barrels on the other side of the room. Destroy the barrels to get into the area behind them. Release the kids from the box and enlist them. Switch back to Homer and go to the tomb at the end of the room. Walk up to it and press Triangle/Y to open it. A Duff Bottle Top will pop out when you do.
“It’s like a wine cellar – without the wine!”
Go back to the middle of the room and turn to walk toward the large door at the end of the room. Just before you cross the bridge in the middle, look up the pillar on your right by the Officer Marge power-up. You’ll see the Duff Bottle Top up on the pillar. Use the curve at the bottom of the pillar and Ball Burst up the pillar to get the collectible.
Roll over some of the “Harry Toddlers” when you’re done. It’s fun to watch them run.
Turn from this first pillar to look at the pillar behind you. Use the Homer Ball Burst to smash the ham that is hanging above it. When it’s out of the way stay in Homer Ball mode and aim toward the pillar again, but angle the approach slightly to the right. (The angle shown in the screenshot below is correct.) Homer Ball Burst again and you will go up and over the lava, catching the Duff Bottle Top on the way over to the other side. If you aim correctly you will land safely on the opposite side of the bridge.
Why are there hams hanging on the wall?
Switch back to Marge and go back out to the center area of the room. Walk toward the giant door and as you go, look for the Officer Marge hat on your right. Follow the platforms across the lava to get a Try-N-Save Coupon. Follow the platforms back to the middle of the room.
If that police hat doesn’t stand out like a sore thumb, nothing does.
Cross the bridge you are standing in front of, and as soon as you get to the other side, look to the left. You’ll see the Try-N-Save Coupon at the end of the ledge over the lava.
With all these coupons she probably doesn’t need any money at all.
Now head up the stairs to the upper level and turn left when you get to the top. Straight in front of you, under the No Dragons sign, is another tomb. Walk up to it and press Triangle/Y to open it and get another Try-N-Save Coupon.
Marge Croft: MILF Tomb Raider
When looking at the tomb, turn to your left. Straight ahead of you in the right hand corner of the room, you’ll see the next Try-N-Save Coupon.
One more and we can get on with this episode.
Go back out of this room and go across the little bridge to the other side of this upper area. As you get across the bridge, look to your right for a wooden trunk. Walk up to the trunk and push triangle to open it and rubber snakes will pop out! Not really, it’s just another Try-N-Save Coupon.
Off we go to the nostalgia!
Turn to your right from the wooden trunk and you’ll see a switch straight in front of you. Activate the switch and the large doors below will open. Be sure you have gathered up all the kids you can get before moving through the door because there is no coming back for them later. Marge should have 12 kids with her. When you are ready to get out of here, head down the stairs and through the door. Defeat this new explosive enemy and destroy the pile of bones which just happens to be an enemy spawner.
These enemies have shields.
When you have passed this brief introduction to the new enemy, walk to the door ahead and step on one of the pressure pads on the floor. Your fellow character will step on the other pad and the screen will go momentarily blank. When it reappears you’ll be in an overhead point of view; old school Gauntlet style!
“Just like my favorite old school, sword and sorcery video game; Dig Dug!”
Before you go anywhere, be sure you are still playing as Marge and go to the wooden trunk on the left. Press Triangle/Y to open it and get the Try-N-Save Coupon from inside.
I don’t remember collectibles in the original Gauntlet.
Now you can move along to the right. Defeat the enemies ahead and destroy the square building which is now the enemy spawner. Go through the opening, around the wall to the right and down to release a couple more kids.
I keep my kids in a box too.
Now go straight up to the top of the map. When you are almost as far up as you can go, there will be another wooden trunk on the right. Press Triangle/Y to open it and Homer will get another Duff Bottle Top.
The next area can be a bit hectic and hard to tell what is going on with all the explosions. Turn around and go to the left. Break through the red doorway with a Ball Burst. Destroy the two enemy spawners in here quickly because they are rapidly spawning new enemies. The best tactic for this room is to Homer Ball Burst around the room until everything bad is dead and/or gone. In the mayhem, you more than likely already picked up the objective for this little room – the Gold Key. If not, grab it before you leave.
Leave the room, go down and back to the left down the hallway you haven’t explored yet. Destroy the enemy spawner and enemies that block your path and continue to the far left and then up. The Gold Key you picked up will allow you to pass through the Gold Wall. Continue to walk up to the square hole in the floor and drop into it. You’re moving on to the next section.
Swirl down the hole like a toilet.
Now go to the right and up. Get rid of the enemies and the enemy spawner blocking your path and continue to the top of the map. There is one more enemy spawner and some enemies blocking you from getting the first Gold Key, so get everything out of your way and grab the key. When you have it, go back down again and to the right to the Gold Door and walk on through since you have the key.
“Save keys to . . . open doors!”
Go down, to the right and back up to the red door ahead of you. Smash through the door, clear out the enemies and the enemy spawners and grab the next Gold Key found in this area. When you have the key, continue up and smash the next red door and get rid of the enemies and enemy spawners in this area as well. When it’s all clear, hang out here for a minute.
Hopefully you’ve been paying attention and you know what to do next.
When the smoke clears, you will notice you are standing near two wooden trunks. Walk up to them and press Triangle/Y to open them. The one on the right contains a Try-N-Save Coupon for Marge and the one on the left has a Duff Bottle Top for Homer.
How nice, matching collectibles!
With your collectibles in hand, you’re ready to get out of here. Go back down to the bottom of the map and to the right to go through the last Gold Door. Pass through it and jump in the black hole to exit the Gauntlet.
Goodbye overhead view!
You return to 3rd person view and it certainly is a welcome sight, just like that Duff Bottle Top you can see on the pillar ahead of you. Before trying to get it, go around the corner to the left and get rid of the enemies, the two enemy spawners and the sniper(?) from the platform to make your life a little easier.
That is one well guarded door!
Now you can take your time and get the collectible off the pillar. Just do a Homer Ball Burst up the small ramp at the bottom and deactivate while you’re in the air to land on top and get the Duff Bottle Top.
Somebody really likes using those little ramps, don’t they?
When you’re ready to move on, stand on one of the pressure pads in front of the large statue. Your partner will automatically step on the other pressure pad. The statue will move away and you’ll have access to the next area.
“Wow! It’s just like Dragon Slayer. Man, I sucked at that game!”
Apparently they feel that this area is pretty important since you’ll run across 7 enemy spawners (and you can imagine how many enemies) while you run around trying to make sense of it all. The best thing for you to do is to focus on getting all the mean people out of here. Make the enemy spawners your priority, and then when they are all gone, finish off the stragglers.
This room just has a warm, cozy feeling to it.
When peace has been restored to the room, go about gathering up the collectibles before you move on. Also be sure to release and enlist all the remaining kids locked in the boxes strewn about the room. When you have everyone, Marge should be leading about 26 kids. The first collectibles you’ll grab will be Homer’s. As you entered the room, there is a low platform on the left side with ramps on either side of it. There is a Duff Bottle Top on the platform, so Homer Ball Burst one of the ramps to get the collectible.
Again with the ramps!
On the opposite side of the room, face the way you came in and look up to the platform in the corner where you’ll see a helium tank, a necessity for any Elvin celebration. Ball Burst up the ramp to get onto the platform with the helium tank. When you’re up there, turn to look at the dragon and look on his left claw. You should see the Duff Bottle Top over there. Fill up on helium and helium-dash across to land on the dragon’s claw and claim the collectible. There is actually a considerable amount of helium they give you, so if your aim is off you can probably correct yourself without having to start over. Once you have it, you’re done with Homer for the time being, so switch to Marge.
At least they added a little twist to the ramp thing this time.
Looking straight at the dragon, you’ll notice that you can target its left claw. Do this and send four kids over to it. They will sacrifice their lives for you and giant coins will rise from the ground beside the dragons head. Climb up the coins to the ledge above and claim the Try-N-Save Coupon located there. Go back to the floor in front of the dragon when you have it.
You just asked kids to commit suicide!
Now target the dragon’s right claw and ask four more kids to give their lives for you. Again, coins will rise from the floor on this side of the dragon’s head. Climb the new coins and get on the dragon’s nose. Walk up to its left eye and you’ll be able to send Maggie into the dragon. Crawl around the path to the dragon’s other eye and you’ll find a Try-N-Save Coupon waiting for you. Grab the coupon and turn back around.
It’s pretty clean in here for being the inside of a dragon.
Instead of going back to Marge, turn left down the tunnel and go to the red button you see at the end. Crawl up to it and press Triangle/Y when prompted to push the button. You will take a short ride up an elevator. When it gets to the top, you’ll be just a short crawl to yet another red button. Crawl up to it, press Triangle/Y again to push it and the dragon’s mouth will open allowing you to pass. When you get back outside the dragon’s head, switch to Homer and enter the dragon’s mouth.
Dragon needs a mint!
You’ve made it to the final boss of this episode, which also happened to be the first boss of this episode. This time you’re going to finish it. This is yet another parody of an old school game called Joust. The object is pretty simple, simply fill up with helium, float up and hit the Dragon from above. There is no health meter for the Dragon, but it doesn’t take much to take her down. She is dropping eggs that will release enemies, so eliminate them as you go as well. Hit her once and you will move on to Wave 2. Hit her again and you will move on to the “Egg Wave”.
The original game was just as dumb.
The Egg Wave is important because it will get you the last two collectibles for the episode. The Dragon will drop 8 eggs. You need to grab all 8 before they disappear. The best method is to be prepared when it begins by standing next to the helium tank. When the eggs appear, float to the upper layer of eggs, grab two of them on one side and helium dash (with the Square/X button) across to the other side to get the other 2. Quickly drop down to the level below, grab the two on that side and finally helium dash to the other side to get the last 2. When you’ve grabbed all 8 eggs before they disappear on their own, a Try-N-Save Coupon will appear on the ledge Marge is standing on and a Duff Bottle Top will be floating above and to the right of the upper left platform.
One more bump on the noggin and she’s outta here for good!
When you’ve grabbed the collectibles, it’s one more hit to the top of The Dragon and she’ll fly around for a few seconds and make you think you missed. Shortly, she’ll fall into the fire and that will be the end of her and the episode.
“At least we finally quit smoking.”
From
Eric
JEZ
Pat
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